I don't get why I gets hungry easily again ._. am I still on puberty ? Cause, -.- I seems to digest everything that I ate, well there are indigested food that come out /: but idk, perhaps my appetite just grew bigger xD Have to cut down no matter what, I don't wanna be fat D: 45kg is the limit I'll go, cause that's the weight I am now :3

Okay, now i've got no mood to blog again /: what's with my moodswings recently anyways .

added on 3 : 43 am ;

Okay, it's stupid, I thought that my dad didn't pay the stupid bills, but in the end, ._. my internet's back on, I was even telling honey that sorry I had to depend on him again . Yeah, I'm broke, everyone knows it o: I think . But, yup, I am now. So, kinda lose face for me, cause I have to depend on my boyf, I'm clingy, but not clingy till I need my boyf to support me all the time.
He Just needs to protect me xD Not pay my stuffs, though I don't mind him doing that, it's sweet :3 & about that big doggie on my bed, yup paid by him, after he told me during the evening time. So, yup, he's sweet, real sweet. Couldn't ask for more, except that I would always take back after I got pwned in dota (:

Hubby got killed.
Wifey: I love you honey
Hubby: lol
Wifey got killed.
Wifey: Okay, I take back my words just now .
Hubby: some kinda gf that i have.
Wifey: okay okay, you win, i love you lah.

So, its just this stupid O: I mean me, at least, I get to kill a few times, it's not that bad, though in the end I got pwned -.- He kept killing me, I hate that stupid hero. In fact, I never liked him using the lighting one or mages /: The damage's pain. But, -.- ugh, nevermind. I still like to use Luna. Though, the next one I wanna learn would be Crystal maiden and POFM xD well, POFM can wait though, till I played long enough (:

I'm gonna grow fat -.- I'm eating a lot, seriously, I'm only bloated like now -____- I ate what, three separate bowl of noodles, it's kinda little , but whatever /: GO ON DIET TMR ! YESH ! Just kidding o:

i don't get why do i still blushes after being with him for like going to 9 months already. There was never once that I would actually not blushes whenever he touches me, hugs me, kisses me. Yet, why didn't other guys made me feel this way? I actually blushed when I rang up to him and asked whether he would mind going shopping with me and he said yes ( i know he hates to go bugis a lot, yet I liked to shop there /: ), he also said yes to carrying my shopping bag, cause im his girlfriend. That made me blushed even more and I kinda felt happy, as if we just started dating all over again .And yeah, I know he always makes a lot of effort to go bugis with me. It's the nearest to our house, and I guess, its kinda trendy enough. Though, I'm really picky when it comes to me buying things. I like it to be perfect, I'm not really a perfectionist, but I like the things that I buy and choose myself to be perfect, not one bit of error.

I'm not low in taste okay, I like appearance more, though the quality is important too, appearance comes first for me, that's why there are a lot of things I never cared -.- of course, if im on budget, I normally can't have what I was eye-ing for. I'm normally on budget anyways /: Cause whenever I shop, I'll buy everything all at once. I don't really like shopping that much as well, it wastes my brain cells on calculating my money. And deciding whether it is worth to buy or not. Of course, I'm getting bored of my wardrobe's clothes. Though, those that I've bought are not out of trend till now. Kinda glad about that, cause I can just mix with something else to wear along with. Just you know, accessories do the tricks, its just them.

I wish I could understand why I was always blushing, yes I know, I'm really in love with him. Very deeply in love.

How would you actually feel when the one that you love talks to you not that happy, and talking to his friends happily? Hurt & depressed right? Yes, that's what I'm feeling now. I know jealousy kills off everything, I'm not saying I'm jealous of guys, I'm just this depressed okay? I can't hang out with my other friends, because everyone's busy now. & I don't wanna be with guy friends, yes I know, you hate it right ? So, I'm not going to. Yet, to prevent such things, I have to find something to replace it. I never minded one bit at all, I never regretted a thing.

I'm still waiting for you to return fully back to me, yes I'm still waiting. Cause, that's the only thing that I can do. If I were to fold a thousand stars and put it in a bottle, can I make one wish ? I really want a real wish that can be fulfilled. That's all i need now, I don't need any other things at all. It's just the same as folding one thousand paper cranes to bless the wounded one to heal, so if I fold one thousand stars, can I get it? If it's a million of it, I don't mind it at all too.

If you believe strongly in it, it will come true right? I know it sounds like a fairytale, but I want to try it, I'll believe real strong this time. No doubts at all, will it turn into a wish that I can have? I'm a greedy girl, I know, I used to be able to give something that I no longer could, freedom to my boyf, but why can't I do that now? It's just simply ridiculous.

I want someone to grant me a simple wish.

I'm gonna start studying and do my homework starting from next week , well I've enjoyed for the month , though some of the moments were awful for me . But overall , It sure had been nice my november for this year , though I didn't get to go havoc like I used to do , but it's good that I've got the right guy . Yes , I went to Randy's house ytd , I brought every precious gifts that he gave to me as well , and I even asked for a break up . Surprisingly , he didn't want it . We do love each other , very deeply . I know it , but yet , I don't get why I'd still be jealous and unease whenever girls talk to him or when he's gonna be away for a number of days , for example , he's going to this stupid camp , I'm worried and scared that it would turn out like what happened to when he's working for the F1 , I'm really curious , but he told me as much as you don't want me to think about that "Thursday" , stop thinking about the "F1" .

So , I dropped the subject , it's just the two main sensitive subject between us , but whenever we argue , it would be brought up . I mean , every couple would most probably make mistakes , or even being unfaithful for that time being , but in the end , if you're meant to be together somehow , you'll still be together . To me , I never believed in such crap , though i have to , in order to calm myself down . I believe in more of each other's effort , I've put in a lot of effort in this relationship , I'm sure that he has as well . When I told him that we do sometimes fill in each other's gap , i don't get why he disagrees it -.- until there's once that I proved him such . Don't later comment and say I didn't >_> you just didn't realise it okay ?

Jealousy .. ugh , I wanna have a day and celebrate something , I don't know what . But I do need money and stuffs -.- irritating , i wish money can just fall from the sky , but as if that would actually happened lah . Nevermond , as long as we love each other and wants to be together no matter what , everything can be overcome , yupyup . At least , I do know that I'm gonna be the first and the last girl , just let me be then . Cause you're also the last guy . Let just be together till we die or something , though I doubt I do want that to happen , if possible let's make it eternity :3

Yes , I need to go shop for Christmas and some other occasions as well .

p/s: I feel like changing back to blogger , should I ?

Today is Randy's exam , and after his exams , he went out with his friends , and I'm extremely unhappy about it . Cause , he have been hanging out with his friends and giving them more attention than me for the past 5 days , which is making me pissed off . He said tomorrow I'll get the day that I've been wanting to have , I hope I do get it , if not he's still gonna owe me one such day . & I'm not gonna be that all nice anymore , it's kinda making me in a bad mood that he kept hanging out with his friends , while I can't .
I think if tomorrow , he ring up them , or text them -.- I'm gonna seriously blow my top , and I mean it . Hope that he reads it , I'll tell him to later , to just not make it too big after I blow my top . Him playing games is gonna make me pissed off too /: Yes , I know I'm very mean , and I'm throwing tantrum like a little girl , but I'm just seriously this angry /: I hate it when he said to give me his full attention , and it didn't last that long , hello ? I'm gonna die of boredom , and I'm getting impatient for waiting , I mean , I can wait for today -___- but it is a little too much for now .
Sigh , nevermind , I think I'll just forget about everything for now and let you do whatever you want , I'm not gonna care for now . Till you get me what I want .
I don't get why I'm always the one making more efforts than the other , I don't want the two of us to go separate ways , cause I know it'll hurt deeply . Not someone nor something that I can ignore and forget anymore .

Just freaking do something , you idiot -.-

27 November 2009 , would be the most disappointing & boring day of my whole life . Yes , indeed , it seriously bored me to the ultimate death . I worked my ass off from searching the stupid programme , and I kinda got nothing back . Yeah , I did lah , a kiss and a hug . I thought I could have some little time , but that time wasn't even enough . I mean , at least give me half an hour , it was only like less than 5 minutes . So , sigh , I stoned from the moment I woke up for the day , till now . How boring and can it get ? I was kinda in bad mood at first , but oh well , they need to finish up their assignment . I've got work tomorrow , so whatever ? /:

Just didn't like it when he said he'd give me attention every 5 minutes , but I know , he needs to entertain his friend more than me anyways , so forget it >_> It do pisses me off when they are looking at games and stuffs for too long . Yes yes , I know I've got my own assignments as well , but geez , can I get a full day of having his attention and enjoy myself ? Because , games always interrupts , irritates me a lot .

Let me have a day that I can get whatever that I wanna , okay ? I'm getting a little pissed off about all my hard work and efforts that I've actually put in , and I'm not getting much results , though I do have one , that is that he will never wanna leave me at all . Yes , just something else a little more , and I'll be more than satisfied for now . Trust me , sometimes I worked harder for you than you for me . I'd love to know and hear it that you work equally the same as me or even more . I just wanna be pampered for the day .

Yes , I'm gonna save 50 bucks from the next pay ._. so the budget would be around , a little more than 50 bucks I guess . Oh well , it'd be enough , at most I'll save my allowance and skip meals for next week so I can increase my budget a little higher . Never tell me that I don't give you things , I did , food -.- and something else , I don't like getting things that are materialistic . Cause I can get them too .

Last of everything , I'm not ugly nor fat , I know it , so I won't say myself that . I don't need others to tell me that , but just you . Yes , I do know that you always do think that I'm still the number 1 . Remaining cutest to you is what matters the most , it matters more than being pretty , cause if I'm not gonna be cute to you , you're dead . Just know it , okay ? (: As much as you don't like me looking at other guys , I don't like you looking at other girls as well . I mean , not using that kinda "eyes" .

p/s: I'm not wasting money for useless craps , I'm always using money to doll myself up (: Yes , the next is my hair , I'm gonna do something to it for Christmas .

p/p/s: I just killed a cockroach on the way to toilet just now , I think it kinda flew from the dustbin which links to the ground level one , it's so gross -.- i wanted to scream , but forget it , as long as that disgusting thing doesn't touch me . Though , yes , I did gave it a real painful death LOL , sorry to end it so slowly >:3

I got promoted to S4 express , Randy got first in class ytd , cool uh xD hahaha , my boyf getting first in his class . I kinda got irritated of the part 5 & 6 file -.- it kept getting corrupted , like wtf uh . So , whatever o: I'm just gonna wait for the other one then , hopefully it works /: If not , I'm gonna go crazy , and honey's gonna get in trouble xD together with his friend .

I made a silly mistake ytd LOL , i used randy's email account to send the geo lens order , LOL , then he was telling me that he had to pay 20 bucks in the morning , then im like for what , then i went to see the email , then im o.o HAHAHAHAHAHA ! Use wrong email account to send xD cool uh , kinda silly .

So , christmas is coming soon , i figure that I should just use some part of my 200 bucks since pay day is coming soon (: Anyways , it's just gonna be christmas , being generous with the budget's okay for now . I'll at least have 100 bucks in my bank -.- Oh well , hope that it'll someday increase to min amount of 300 bucks instead xD hahaha ~

So for the remaining money minus the 200 bucks in my bank is the amount of money that I can use for randy's birthday present /: then the 22nd pay I'll use for christmas then , hope that I'm not gonna be too late in buying present /: Anyway , having turkey this year , cool uh , my first year having a christmas with my lover :3

I still can't tell which is star which is satellite after so long -.- I kept asking him ytd night , cause I kinda got bored being in the house almost for the whole day , i wanna go out )x but , where am I gonna go and where . I need to inform him as well , so that he won't worry that much o: Stone !

Finally , we're together for 8 months , the thin & thick that we've been through . After knowing everything yesterday , it made me feel no regrets on staying by his side and just love him whole-heartly . Oh well , he finally confessed and admitted that he never had the intention nor the feeling that he wanted to leave me , he doesn't want me to leave him at all as well . Well , I know that we love each other deeply , real deep . I just know that it's love . I do love him . There was never once I was able to let go off him , I doubt he could do the same , it'll hurt so badly everytime when I do that , I guess he feels the same . I'll keep the promise forever , nothing's gonna break us apart , no matter what (:

He stayed over yesterday's night to make up for pangseh-ing me for dinner /: Yeah , I was really furious , but at least I got to know what I've been wanting to know after waiting for 7 months going to 8 months long . I seriously waited this long okay ! I know , it's weird , but I've waited just this long for a confession , though we're already together . He taught me how to kinda dota , I'm still a noob at it , so I do get irritated when he suddenly got angry while playing . You know that I'm still learning , trying to gain every piece of experience .

I hate it when he gives his attention to his games , instead of me . But , it's really fun (: I like to sleep with him , when mengmeng's out for today , I didn't even know it , I slept real soundly . I like to wake up beside him , though it's kinda childish about what we did o: after all the cuddlings , but he's always the one that made me laughed real hard . I'm sleepy indeed now , Just to let him know that , I love you no matter what & don't say it's very little , I just want to keep them all to myself :P Like you would wanna keep me to yourself . We're just this selfish , when it comes to love .

You know , i'm really grateful to everyone that I've known . Those friends that I've neglected since long , spoke to me when I needed someone to talk to . Those that I've hurt , forgave me while I couldn't forgave myself for what I've done . I'm always being held back from death by everyone's effort , a feeling that I'm feeling is rather hard to explain .

Yes , indeed , I was really mad ytd about what happened . & I even forgot about what I have been believing in since long . I'm truly sorry for not respecting your privacy , however if you lie , it just makes things get worse . The you that I know is always speaking the truth , why must you lie to me , but somehow , I know I shouldn't ask that question . Cause it'll makes you think that I don't trust you at all , don't get me wrong . With you , I was never indirectly . I treat everyone what I mean , no faking , just purely me .

It's all over now though , for what I've lost , I gained something , I lost myself for the moment , I gain a new friend , another fellow musician . I hate mr.nice guy , they are fake to me , unable to reach , they make me feel unworthy . They can only remains as friends , I can't hug any other guy other than Randy , I can't kiss any other guy other than Randy , I hate it when other guys touch me , except Randy . Please don't misunderstand this , I never liked any mr . nice guy . They are always friends , cause it'll just feel so fake when you're together , i can't love anyone else other than Randy .

Don't get me wrong , I love him very much , he's close to being my everything . No matter how I do not want to let him go , I want him to feel the same . But , I'm not him , he's not me . I want to know just how much he loves me , I wish he could just chase me back again . I'm really heartbroken , no matter how I told him I'm okay , not to worry , about this , I was never okay after I got heartbroken , I still love him , but my heart is just broken .

I really want to know how much does he live me , if he really love me that much , please chase me back . Tell me deep in your eyes , real deep in your heart that you mean it whenever you told me that you love me . I want such love , cherish me , treasure me , stop abusing me , respect me , accept me , be patient with me . I want your gentleness , I don't want it from other guys , but just you . Nobody could ever replace you . You just means this much to me , think and look carefully at what I've always done for you .

You know it yourself , cause when I look back at our Chat log , it just seems that you do understand , for the moment , it made me real happy . Then , you smsed me today , it made me happy as well . Cause I thought that you will never do that ever again , I wanted to msg you when I woke up , when I open my inbox , there weren't any of your messages at all . So , I wanted to just wish you good luck for your examination today , but I was held back "what if you won't reply back at all ?" So , in the end I waited instead . Your message appear , it made me feel happy . You rmb to msg me every morning , you was worried about how I'm feeling , you apologised for blowing your top . It made me feel even happier , but sorry that I said that I'm okay .

I think that you would know it as well , deep inside me , I'm feeling not okay (: well , that's for you to notice , if you really do understand me well enough . You know what I hate and what would cheer me up in an instance . I don't have to ask for it , I don't have to tell it , you'll know , by doing that , you are chasing me back & healing me , and I'll heal you as well .

Don't misunderstand all these though , you're still my boyf ; my husband ; my lover . I still love you , and I'm still together with you . Just chase me back , and you'll know the rest of everything .

Okay , I've yet to start my studying for tmr's re-exam . That's like my final chance to pass right ? So jiayous to myself . I do feel neglected by kayl ever since she got her girlf , & moreover , she's not gonna be in the same class next year ): Btw , thanks biatch for backstabbing me . You made me have a hard time trusting people including my boyf . I had a nightmare as well , stop letting me chase after my boyf for goodness sake , can't it be a time that he'll chase me instead of me doing that ? I love him for life , that's seriously final . He made me do a lot of things that I wouldn't do at all . Sometimes , just do a little for me as well . You're a guy , right ? I know you love me , that's for sure . Being together for almost 8 months , it's not short you know . All the things we actually been through , whether we love or hate each other , it's just a mixture when we're both angry . But , you know how our bonds are .

Indeed , it's less privacy when someone's staying over at your house for a long period of time , or was it that I got too used to me in my room ? Or did I just grow up again ?

Randy Tay Jian Wah , is really the final guy that I've chose .
Nobody else anymore .

Anyways , I took some photos during the last week of school extra studying weeks . So , that's it for secondary 3 , it was fun being in 3F , though some of us are no longer together in the same class , i'm still glad that I've known the 31 of you & great thanks to Mrs kwok , for you know o: she's the form teacher afterall . Of course , all the subjects teachers do have the credits as well kay ? (8 at least , i passed some of my subject . I need to go and find the POA dropping subject paper ==" Yeah , im seriously dropping that subject to buck up my weaker core subjects . I'll fucking do well for next year ! STUDY & WORK & BE IN LOVE :D




my table , the most precious thing I have in 3F classroom ;




look , it's the view you've viewed for the whole damn year .

im back from my date , i made a new bank account ytd o: i woke up damn early ==" now im extremely tired , I wish I can just sleep till damn late tomorrow , but i don't want self-study . & I still need to revise for my re-examination , screw it .

Anyway , today is the first time I wore a swimming thingy and was in the jurong swimming complex with my boyf . Kinda embarrassing and awkard for me . It was cool though :D but it was a little too crowded , "it's sunday what , what you expect ?" by Randy TJW . So , first of all , we went to the lazy river kinda thingy , the water was cold ==" i mean , its kinda cloudy today , but no heavy rain (: thanks for not ruining my date . So , we got two floats , it's kinda troublesome having two floats , esp when he kept ask me to look after it .

After awhile , we got bored , we went to the wave pool . We were @ 1.7m , he was able to stand on feet in the pool ==" wtf , when the waves starts , he kept call me to be on the float . Cause he's scared I'll drown ? But , kinda true x: I almost drowned , cause my legs kinda went numb for that moment . But , he was really protective lol , cause there was this little boy that bang into me , and he was like so fierce to him :3 my over-protective hubby , but i like it (: It happens when there are tons of people . We'd a kiss under the water in the wave pool 8DD my first time doing that kinda kiss , it was amazing , heehee -blushes- & he kinda support me with his leg while he was standing , cause im short , well everyone knows that . It's really romantic in a way that you recalls in your brain , its just sweet >w<

Then , we went back to the lazy river , I mean , we returned one of the floats , then we were left with one float . LOL , the position that we were sitting was wrong , i swear it's damn fcking wrong . It looked totally like sex positions , i was kinda blushing >_> but in the end i sat that kinda way on the float with him . It didn't succeed at first , but it did later :D heehee . Really , everything was really romantic , and really not boring like what we usually do on normal days . Sounds like we're married or something ._.

It just looked like our conversation with each other is never ending sometimes , idk why . But , I just love him , I'm glad I met him , I'm really in love with him , and im happy that you're my boyf , and I was your first girlf (: even if I'm not , but you brought me to meet your family and even so , your mum and sis is more than enough to prove that you love me .

I just love you no matter what .

& stop dota-ing , i don't get why guys must always plays that , it just steals the time I can spend with you . Time is never enough for me when I'm with you , don't ask me why , cause I don't know the reason as well . It just makes me feel extremely happy , like on this world there's only the both of us , I didn't cared about anyone else today . In my eyes for today , it's just you and me .

 im back from work ._. i wasn't suppose to work today , but nehhmind . Just work only , cause they called me up to ask , since honey was working & kayl also , so i decided to work as well . Today isn't such a good day for me , my mood was kinda bad , i don't know why . But , overall it's still okay , thanks to honey :3 I just love it whenever you hug me , i love it whenever our lips touched , i love it whenever you're just around me , it makes me feel secure .

Screw the world even if it's gonna end in 2012 , most probably I'd just ditch my band dream and just complete the marriage dream instead then . I know it's like tying chains to him and me , and i doubt he will really want it so early , neither do I really want it , though I don't mind . As long as we're together and still loving , that's what matters the most . 

Btw , I can't believe that Hitler loved his niece ==" It's like so darn weird okay , but errr , he's  weirdo ? & I don't get what's so good and bad about Jews ? They are smart and they killed Jesus ? o: Were they the ones or was it someone else ? Gah ! I'm going to drink coffee tmr ==" I skipped physics btw , cause I didn't know it was in the 3E classroom , but screw it , I'll just ace the re-exam . I seriously need to ace it D: I want to go sec 4 express , though stress , but I don't care .

Cause I know that honey just wants me to graduate faster and away from secondary school . Screw it , ugh , the pressure is getting stronger day by day . I want this sunday to not be ruined .

I hate my family , dad's side . I hate my dad as well , perhaps it was even better for me to be in msia instead of being with my dad's family . They all just suck ass okay ! Especially one of my aunt & my grandma , I wish that grandma would just fcking move out of the house . So what even if she just hates me because I'm my mum's child . In the first place , who the fck gave her any rights to just hate my mum , she was the one that started everything . So , why bother refusing to leave the house , just because that grandpa used to be in that house ?
If grandpa was even alive , he'd be much better as it seems that when grandpa was around , she seemed to treat me much better . Grandpa loved me , she hated me . What's there for discrimination when we're still under one whole family ? You guys are just acting like you guys are like the westerns thinking that they are more superior than the easterners , and we're all easterners . If you can't use your brain to think , use your fcking butt to think about know one okay ! =="
Sadly , my cousins will never side me at all , trust me , they are all on the other side ." In the whole family , there's only me and my mum . I'm sure that mum did regretted on being with dad's family for sure . Though it was when she was in an argument with dad , but deep inside her , she regretted marrying into dad's family . Cause they all just suck shyt . I don't even need their fcking money for CNY . After grandma's dead , don't even have anything to do with my family -'- screw you all , I was never in your family from the very day that I was born .
I know that everyone doesn't know that I was not at home ytd , I was chased out of the house by my dad anyways . He was rude to my boyf , who was a visitor , you all know that whenever guys come to my house , how my face was thrown and I had to apologise to them on my stupid "grandma" 's behalf right ? Yeah , so I got tired of it . & If you were a childhood friend of mine , you'd know how my dad have been towards me since young . All he cares is just my plain results , aye ? & just compare and compare , if you're that smart then just teach me , you can't even teach me so whatever . & Nobody asked you to be that stupid to just resign just because your boss didn't want to give you allowanace when you're going on an oversea trip . Just use it , I've got a job that can support myself for meals , even if I don't eat , I won't die .
You also know that nowadays it's hard to get a decent job with a decent pay , So , I was angry when I heard that he resigned again . It really made me pissed off , I'd rather to just get another job and just move out of that damn apartment and just depend only on myself .

I spend the night at Randy's house , I do envy their family , much better than mine . He was also the first that offer help to me , my exs don't do that . They just run away like guys normally do ? Or I should just say cowards , like what the fck uh ==" get some real balls . Somehow , things didn't turn out what I expected , it was even better than I thought . So what even if I'm stubborn with my family . Trust me , the fcking first thing I'm going to do when I get back home later is to ask my "grandma" . I'll make sure that I'll be the one chasing her out of the house alr .

My relatives are all just hypocrites , if you hate her so much , then don't act like you're always supporting her , and act like you're her child . Fakers , everyone knows how much I hate them . Sorry , but sadly , you'll never end up having another happy family gathering the next time round .

 you guys know what ? i just got broken into a million pieces , the ring was lost , no matter how bad i feel , it's all useless for now .

just screw everything fcking thing , that's all . 

LIP [L-ive I-n P-eace] for me please , thank you very much \m/ .

 If you weren't in a good mood , forget about it . I know I've been naive since I was young , that part never changes . But , it doesn't means that everything won't work out . Cause even if it's 1% of my hard work now that will come in use in the future . It's more than enough to make myself happy . I wanted to tell you what I realised today , but I didn't get any chance . Like you , I also like to take time to do my things , everyone does I guess . Cause you don't get to do that at school or work , at home you do . At someone else's home , you don't . 

Even if I'm clumsy , I still can get things done , even if I'd end up with little injuries , which I normally do after work . But , it doesn't matter , cause it's not that big , it can heal a few days later or just instantly . All I want is that you and I to have a comfortable life , that's all . I'm not making you the bad guy , stop thinking that way . Simple and comfortable enough is good for me . I don't want us to be 24/7 worry about money . Cause money do nothing in the end , yet again it's necessary in order to live .

Where are your positive thoughts again ? I don't like the fact that my dad or mum looks down on me , but you're the last person that I want to hear anything that would be related to looking down on me . I'm sure you don't wanna hear it too , but ouch I just got hurt a little .  & I've always understood what you're trying to bring across to me , even if I am too stubborn to even listen . 

No matter what , just forget about bad things that had happened .
The both of us , get to see each other and be happy is more than enough .
A hug is more than enough to cheer me up . 
You loving me and me loving you .
Having the whole world knowing that ,
I'm honoured enough as well .
I don't desire too ambitious things ,
Just you .

I'm tired , btw Hubby got home hamsters o_o cool uh ! It's big , but idk why I find them cute :3 even if they were not dwarf hamsters kinda breed , but their actions are just plain cute . I'm keeping the male one for the time being , it's Randy junior okay ! don't play play o: I'm off from work till sunday .

I kinda hate to work at there now /: Seriously , I feel like switching jobs ==" I can't manage so many people at once . One customer , then after that the other ask for something else . I very blur alr , and still more distractions ._. ughh , if Hubby see this , I don't think he'd be happy . But not a job that perhaps someone as clumsy as me should have ? Way too clumsy alr , I doubt I'm fit for serving people kinda service . Paperwork still better ? Ughhhh D: It just demoralize me a lot after today's work .

Trust me , I really don't feel like working at there alone anymore . I got burnt twice /: It fucking remains this time . I think by tmr it'll go away . Wednesday isn't that all lucky at all ==" screw everyday , other than the moments that I'm with my beloved & hubby :3
screw everyone else !

 Maybe I should just quit my job , but then again , nope I shouldn't . I need more money right ? I have gotta manage both , though my lazy habit is reacting again /: Geez , somehow I finally understand why hubby didn't wanted both of us to work , it's seriously lesser time being together . But , one thing for sure , I don't have to worry anymore . I mean , if possible I wish I could just get married to him as soon as possible , but it's still about the money .
If I work now , and save the money , it'll be easier to pay for the apartment right ? The bonds between us , as long as it isn't broken , everything would be alright . At least , we'd still get to see each other everyday after work . I thought we weren't able to see each other for the rest of the days for this week . 

He just seems to be my everything .

I'm heartbroken , totally heartbroken , I can't stop crying again . Just thinking about it makes me cry again , I really wonder what I'm going to do today . How am I going to face him today , with a happy smile or just nothing . One thing for sure , I'm really in a very bad mood . I'm gonna face the customers with a smile . But , I know if I saw him , I'm really going to break down and cry for sure . You talked like you really didn't want me anymore . I wanted to asked you what time are you gonna go to your uncle's there for your job thingy , but I guess not . That's one part of bugging . You hate it . 
I thought you were in a good mood after you came back from your trip , but you weren't . Cause when I knock off from work , I wasn't in a good mood . I was in a bad mood the whole day ytd . I just want a lot of things , but I can't get it . I can't disturb you when you're sleeping now , cause I'll get scolded for sure this time . I doubt you'd treat me any special again . It hurts , it really hurts . 
I'm just making another puddle of tears lah /: 

 im really scared . Really really very scared , it's not something that i can describe , but im just scared . I can no longer deny the fact that I'm scared anymore . Nothing gave me power anymore , it's like as if I just wish you could be by my side and me be inside your embrace . I really am hopeless , I can't do anything to ease it at all . 
Sorry that I'm weak lah , though I tried to not think that I'm scared , but I don't like you to use any weakness of mine . I never once cared about how different are we , I never once want it to be a problem of our relationship . I never even ever once even though that I would have problems in a relationship , I thought that if you found the one that you'd fall in love with , nothing can stand in your way . But it seems that there are tons of obstacles around . 
How our relationship would turn out , i don't care . Just you by my side , love me as you always did . It's more than enough , I don't want you to say you wanna leave me at all . Cause I tried once , and it never meant anything , and I can't bear to say it out at all . Even asking , it hurts a lot . It really do . I never felt something like this , I really never did . It hurt even much more than what I experienced before . 
 
Please don't leave me at all , cause I don't wanna leave you at all . Perhaps , I should lose myself in place of gaining you instead . 

 can i post my bhb photos ? (8 heehee , i know hubby's gonna kill me for not sleeping yet . Sorry , i can't seems to sleep . You should have woke me up when it's like 8 plus o: or did you woke me up and I went back to sleep uh ? Anyways , he slept over ytd O: cool isn't it ? cause he sent me home , you know what time -.- 12 + ?!? Then i forgot the thumbdrive for perfect world one , then after that he say help me dwl and install norh . Xiexie <3

Yeahh , im playing that game okay ==" Shall not talk about the bad things that happened , cause I don't like to recall about it , though for sure , that guy's deadmeat . I don't mind one less asshole to die away . Hubby , please don't get mad with your mum . 
okay , i wanna post my bhb photo , i go post on fb better lah O: 

I just wanna let you know this :
Whatever stupid things I might do ,
You're always the one that I love .
Not any other guys at all ,
Yeah , I get jealous damn easily .
Even if you're just talking to my friends ,
I still get jealous lah .
I know you'll always be faithful to me ,
It's also in my blood that I won't cheat on you or get any other guys other than you .
I'm no longer the past me , 
I don't cheat any longer .
Cause , you're going to be the final and last guy of my love life .
No more other people , but just you .
What we've gone through , I never did with any of my ex .
I never got this jealous , I never got this protective and ward off any girls that plans to snatch you away .
Trust me , I'm very confident of these three words , that it'll forever never be broken or be gone .
I love you , Randy Tay Jian Wah .
You're the only one . And 3 more days till we reach the 7th month of going through as a couple .